Yes, I Really Am Reading Five Books At Once

Here’s a screenshot of my Goodreads.


I’m currently reading The Count of Monte Cristo on my Kindle Paperwhite because I can do so late at night, in bed, in the dark. I’ve always wanted to read it and now I get to as research for my novel, which features a Napoleonic Era level of technology.

I’m listening to the audiobook of Guns, Germs, and Steel while I work at the office. It’s been recommended to me from many sources and it’s obviously well researched and clearly written. However, it’s painfully dry at times and it helps to have a narrator who will push forward even when you wouldn’t do it yourself.

A History of Warfare is more research and another recommendation. This is my carry-around-and-read book for car rides and other places I find myself wanting something to read.

What Jane Austen Ate and Charles Dickens Knew is a fun little reference book that is, yet more research. It serves mainly as my, ahem, bathroom book. What? It’s written to be read in sections anyway.

Here I am reading classic historical fiction and three non-fictions in mostly historical and anthropological flavors. Not exactly light reading. What book on my current reading list do I find most daunting? The epic fantasy A Crown of Swords. Go figure.

I’m reading Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time saga (that words gets overused, but 14 books that average 900+ per book is nothing if not a saga) with a friend. I also promised my brother that I would try to read the whole series when it was finally finished. So here I am, not quite halfway through and finding all kinds of reasons not to get back to it. It’s not that they’re bad, they’re just so very long and it takes quite a while to move most of the stories. The main character has been planning an attack on a rival ruler for, I think, two-and-a-half books now. Someone once said that you read 700 pages of a Robert Jordan book to get the payoff in the last 200 pages, and I’ve generally found that to be true. Most of the characters are likable and I’m curious to see where they go. Not to mention that the world building is second to none.

Still, of all my books, A Crown of Swords is the most daunting because it feels like I have to displace the weight of seven more volumes to turn each page. At least I’m learning new things while I procrastinate.

The Rant Preventer 2000!


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Finally there’s an answer!


The Rant Preventer 2000 is a small device that sits on or near your computer. Simply turn it on and it senses when you are drunk, medicated, or in a state of extreme emotional or mental agitation. When the RP-2000 senses one of these conditions, it automatically deletes whatever you are working on and cuts all communication between the computer and the keyboard. It will also display your choice of relaxing images and/or messages:

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Act now! Buy one for yourself and everyone you know!



Order now and we’ll send you the mobile version, the RP-3000 Mobile, absolutely free! The RP-3000 Mobile works just like the home computer version, but when it senses that you are in a position to¬†embarrass yourself, it shoots a cone of white noise in front of your mouth, preventing anyone from hearing what awful thing you were about to say and regret later.





Unfortunate Search Results


This happened while searching for something to eat on a recent trip to Ellijay, Georgia.

The reviews were not as hilarious as I had hoped. Click for a larger screenshot.